Them: Build me a house.
Me: Ok, we can do that. Let's talk about the details.
Them: When will it be done?
Me: Again, let's talk about the details.
Them: How much will it cost?
Me: I can't give you a good estimate until I know what you want the house to be like.
Them: I want it to have a kitchen. When will it be ready?
Me: That's a good start. I have a few other questions for you about
the details.
Them: Look, I need this done in 15 days.
Me: (muffled laughter/panic)
Them: What? You're telling me you can't finish it in 15 days? When
will it be done? How much will it cost.
Me: Like I said earlier, I can't give you those numbers until we
know the specifics of the house you'd like us to build you. We have people working on other houses right now, and unless yours is more important that the others that are already in the process of being built, you'll have to wait.
Them: All I want is a small house! You're telling me that you can't just put together a house for me real quick?!?!
Me: That's correct.
Them: This is insane....when can you get my house done?
Me: Let's get some more of the details pulled together and I'll let you know what the estimates will be. What else do you need in your house? Where do you want it? Do you care about school districts, proximity to neighbors, size of the lawn, number of bedrooms?
Them: I want 3 bedrooms.
Me: Ok. Where do you want the bedrooms? What size should they be? Do you want them to have closets? Bathrooms? Carpet?
Them: I want them on the third floor.
Me: Oh, so you want a multiple-level house?
Them: Heck yeah! I thought you knew that already!!!
Me: You hadn't mentioned that detail yet.
Them: Well what's wrong with you?!
Me: I can't tell you what you want. I can help guide you through the process of figuring out what the details are. I can help form the team to build the house, and I can do everything possible to stick to the schedule and budget. But you have to fill in the details so that we can know exactly how long it will take to build it, and how much it will cost.
Them: There is so much red tape around here!
Me: I understand it's a lengthy process, but we have to know what we're building before we start building it.
Them: You people are crazy. I hate working with builders!
Me: Can we get back to the details of the house?
Them: I've had enough.
Me: We can still help you if you'll talk through some of this with us.
Them: I'm going to build it myself.
Me: I wouldn't advise that. Building a house is quite a complicated activity. It's best to get people on the team who have experience in this field.
Them: I'm outta here.
Me: Please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.
Them: My house is broken, can you fix it?
Me: We didn't build this house, so I'm not sure that we can fix it.
Them: But the house is in a neighborhood surrounded by other houses you've built. Can't you do something!?!?! This is an emergency!!
Me: I understand that there is a problem, but none of my builders have any idea of how this house was built. You built it yourself. We'll do what we can to help, but I can't guarantee that we can fix it.
Them: I'm suing your company.
Me: Please understand - we had nothing to do with the construction or maintenance of this property. You supplied the materials, the builders, the blueprint, the plans, the budget, etc. Our company is in no way related to the existence of this house.
Them: Blueprint?
3 comments:
Nice story. I think this time around, you should build them a indoor basketball court with beds, locker, 60" plasma TV and tell them that this is exactly what they need. All they need to do now is hire some ultra smart MBA's to generate value out of this.
brilliant. people are crazy. it makes work annoying, but life quite entertaining.
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