Thursday, February 23, 2006

An open letter to the automated bathroom

Automated bathroom:
I'm not a fan of you. With your self-flushing toilets, your self watering sinks, your self-dispensing paper towels, and your self-squirting soaps. Not a fan at all. You wind up flushing at the wrong time. You wind up turning the water off on me when my hands are lathered in soap. You wind up making me wave my arms around like an idiot just so that one more paper towel might come out.

And I'm tired of it.

I can flush my own toilet. I'm pretty sure I can dispense my own soap and turn the sink on and off at the right times. And for the love, I can grab my own paper towels.

Please, just let me do it. Yes, I admit I do have a streak of wild independence in me, but let's not blame that right now. Let's consider, for once, that you are the control freak. After all, you won't let me even perform normal human functions on my own. You have to have your say in everything that goes on in the bathroom. Your close friend, the automatic door, is just fine in my book. Sometimes he's even helpful when I have a bunch of stuff in my hands, or after "arm day" at the gym when I literally can't lift my arm to open doors.

But you, on the other hand, are out of control. Sometimes you even make an eerie squealing sound before you flush, and for the life of me, that sound haunts me in my sleep. Maybe you're more sanitary. I'll give you that. But I think I may prefer getting sick to looking like a flailing idiot.

You, automated bathroom, are dead to me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here Here! As in yes, I totally agree with you, and yes, Kim, here finally is my obligatory comment for reading your blog! I fully share your sentiments for the bathroom with a wacko brain of it's own which turns a not exactly highlight of my daily activities into an active battle of wills. Namely, ME vs. THE BATHROOM. (insert Ding Ding! bell ring here.) The only way I've won with said toilet is by draping the toilet paper over the Evil Eye (if it's a laser sensor opponent)or finding the handicap stall toilet because they are sometimes still the do it yourself flushing kind. Auto doors are ok, except I tried to go out the "In" door on one yesterday and it wouldn't let me! I want my rights back! :)

Anonymous said...

I rarely have a problem with anything but those stupid auto paper dispensers. Standing with dripping hands trying to convince it that you're not killing trees, you're just drying your hands is not what I look forward to when getting up in the morning! :)

hlw said...

LOL! Have you ever seen the automatic, rotating seat covers?? They have them in the bathrooms of O'Hare Airport in Chicago. You can add that to your list.

kimmie said...

Oh, those seat covers are the worst! They have them in a gas station on I-35 near Waco. Scary!!!