Cake

My corporate life as of late:

"Bake me a cake" says the man upstairs.

"No problem, sir." I respond. "I'll need 6 eggs, 2 cups of flour, 1 cup of sugar, some vanilla and some icing."

"No problem." He responds.

2 days pass, while I'm making the cake.

The phone rings.

"Kim, I still need that cake. But you're going to have to make it with half the eggs."

"Sir," I humbly reply, "I don't know if I can do that and still make a decent cake."

"Kim - bake the cake. 1/2 the egss. Talk to you in 2 days."

So I slave away in my bakery, trying to figure out how to make the cake with 1/2 the eggs I was originally planning on.

Two days later, the phone rings.

"Kim's bakery. How may I help you?"

"Kim, about the cake..." comes a familiar voice over the phone. "I'm going to have to ask you to make it with no flour."

"No flour?" I reply, holding back the panic that seems to be creeping steadily into my tone of voice.

"That's right - no flour. You'll have to give me a cake with 3 eggs, sugar, vanilla and icing. Actually, hold off on that vanilla for now. I'll get back to you."

Two days pass.

The phone rings again.

"Hello?" I answer tentatively, not wanting to hear his familiar voice.

"Kim, I've been looking at the recipe again. It's calling for way too many ingredients. You're going to have to do with just one egg, 1/2 the sugar, and no icing."

"So sir, let me get this straight. You want me to make you a cake with 1 egg and 1/2 a cup of sugar?"

"Yep. And have it on my desk by 8AM tomorrow."

So back to the bakery I go, late at night, to figure out this cake. Since the man upstairs called at 10PM, it's going to be a long night to try to make my deadline.

Finally, I come up with something that I think might work. I drive back into the office and present him with the "cake".

Upon sampling the concoction, he spits it out. "Kim! This is nothing but flavorless meringue! I thought I asked you for a cake!?!?!"

So, who wants dessert?

Foods of yesteryear: A humble plea

The other night at Bible study, we started reminiscing about foods we used to love, but which aren't available anymore.

I mentioned Yoplait Custard-style Banana yogurt.

Suddenly the room was filled with "ooohs" and "ahhhhs" as people recalled the thick, creamy goodness contained within that pale yellow plastic cup.

I lamented, however, that I was not able to find such yogurt in any grocery store. Others shared the same concern, and out of that collective sorrow, I decided to launch a campaign to bring it back. We want our creamy delicious banana yogurt!

So Yoplait, if you're out there, we're desperate. We need you! Do you still make this tasty product? Your website indicates that you do, but none of us can find it!!

Anyone?

In keeping with today's theme: quirks

Eryn and Krista both wrote about various "quirks" today, so I figured I'd continue the theme.

Although, before I get started, you may be wondering about the nun. In searching for an image to complement this post, I searched for "habit" and voila: a nun. I love search engines!!

My quirks:

• I am #2 on Eryn's list
• Before I start doing laundry, I have to make the bed
• Actually, to think straight in the morning, I have to make the bed. This poses a problem when the husband is still sleeping...
• I could eat a peanut butter product every day for the rest of my life and not tire of the wonderful substance!
• I have a strong fondness for Microsof Excel, so much so that I basically think in spreadsheet format
• My work email box has to be relatively clean for me to feel productive/organized
• I tend to be a very competitive driver, so I guess the quirk here is that I need to find the most efficient route at all times
• I do not like talking on the phone, so don't take it personally if this particular quirk of mine impacts your life directly. You are not alone, nor is it about you
• I, too, count stairs when ascending/descending, though I am not as neurotic as Eryn seems to be about it ;)
• Actually, come to think of it, I used to count bites when I would eat as a small child. And I would have to have the same amount of bites on both the left and right side of my mouth before I could swallow. What a weird kid!

OMG!

I work with a bunch of folks who are relatively older than I am.

Ok, so they are a lot older, for the most part.

I am the same age as their grand-children, in some cases.

So when they respond to an email or instant message with "LOL!!!", it just about makes my day.

Here's a typical* IM session:

Kim: Hey Harold**, did you get my email?

Harold: Y :)

Harold: OMG! That was so funny! LOL!!!!

Kim: What was funny? I sent you an email about compliance training.

Harold: BRB LOL OMG!!!

Kim: Harold, are you ok?

Harold: CYA L8R!

Kim: Harold, did you take your pills today?

Harold:....idk?

Kim:Harold, is your blood sugar low?

Harold:IMHO, TMI!

Kim:cya....


*The definition of "typical" is used loosely.
**Names changed to protect the innocent.

I (heart) Steven Colbert

Simply because the man can do things like this and get away with it.

Check it out.

Even if you don't know who the heck he is, reading the Wikipedia articles will surely bring a smile to your face. If it doesn't, I don't want to talk to you ever again.

There, I said it.

Sharing the goodness

While catching up on some blog reading this morning, I figured that it might be helpful/interesting/entertaining to let you, faithful readers, know what I peruse on the web of the wide world:

Fashion/Style/Shopping

• The Manolo: a.k.a. the Shoeblogger. Wildly entertaining and insightful.
• Oh Happy Day: a relatively new find, offering good decorating/shopping/etc. ideas
• Design*Sponge: very similar to the above...

Technology/Finance/News

• Lifehacker: tech tips and news, and overall life shortcuts
• The Consumerist: interesting/funny/snarky tidbits about business
• The Austinist: all things sarcastic, and entertaining about Austin

What would you add to the list? Let me know....this may come in handy on slow days at the office....enjoy!

Chronicles of the Holy Land: Part 2

It's not weird, it's different.

We quickly learned that they do some things differently in Israel:

Pizza - we have a problem:
They don't mix meat and dairy food at any meal. It's either a meat meal, or a dairy meal. Never the two shall meet.

This might lead to, for example, an interesting lunchtime experience in which one attempts to purchase a slice of pizza (clearly dairy) and take in into the falafel restaurant (clearly meat) to join one's friends and winds up getting yelled at by the falafel shop owner "NO DAIRY!!!". One then finds oneself eating pizza alone in the Old City. Never fear, however. This makes for some good people watching.

Going down?
The Shabbat elevator.

Fantastic for those who observe the rules of the sabbath and want a long, leisurely ride down to the lobby from the 13th floor.

Not so fantastic for the Christian tourist who merely wants to meet up with the rest of the group in the lobby quickly before they leave the hotel.

The result? About 15 people in a teeny, tiny elevator, stopping at every floor on the way down, all the while adding to the number inside the overburdened elevator car.

Word to the wise: your elevator ride will take more than 60 seconds if you are trying to depart your hotel around sundown on Saturday in Jerusalem. Just accept that as a reality.

Et tu, tofu?
Again, the meat and the dairy. This time, lesson #2. You think we would have learned by now, but no.

One of the last, and best, meals that we had was at a kibbutz in the Galilee. Wow. I mean, these folks grow their own food, and they do a darn fine job if I say so myself.

At dinner one night, which was clearly a meat meal, even to the untrained eye, a group of us gals found ourselves eyeing what looked to be a very fine display of ice cream. We concocted a lovely sundae out of the ice cream and went to town. I'm no ice cream snob or anything, but this stuff was just incredible. We just kept eating and eating, wondering how they made such tasty stuff.

Finally, we asked our guide what kind of ice cream this was. Godiva? Blue bell? Sorbetto? Do tell!

Tofu.

Soy-based.

And at that, my mouth dropped open. I had been betrayed by dairy. Tofu, I never knew ye.

Happy New Year, and all that...

So it seems that 2007 has come and gone, leaving us all breathless and wondering how in the heck we could be an entire year older in such a short time. Ah yes, my friends, as sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.

In thinking about the past events of said year, it seems to have been a busy one. Here's a recap for you, in case you missed some of these highlights. Eager clickers be aware, each month section title is a link to all the posts for said month. Also, I am an HTML wizard. So for those of you who want to relive the triumph and the tragedy, feel free.

January
World travelers, take note: I was in Brazil and Alabama in January. Ha! Beat that! I spent some good, quality, working time down in the Southern hemisphere. Nothing says international travel like wearing a hard hat for 12 hours each day. This month I also tried, rather unsuccessfully, to make granola. Woo.

February
This month saw me obsessing over a Target ad, providing personal advice to co-workers, and getting the flu for the first time in my entire life. Gotta love February.

March
March. The month in which I apparently decided to spill large quantities of food on myself at all the wrong times. Also, I discovered the goodness that is IKEA, went to the dentist for the first time in WAY too long, and...what was that other thing? Oh yeah, we bought a house. Oh, and peanut butter betrayed me. We have since reconciled.

April
In April, I aged, fought of a fierce snake, watched some TV and tore apart then redesigned a kitchen. Good times.

May
Looks like it was a bit of a slow month. Apparently I painted and ate orange foods. Big month for color. Huge.

June
We moved into our house in June. And I had some problems with gas. June was not a good friend to me this year.

July
In July, I apparently took humorous pictures of my husband and mocked our last name. Who doesn't love doing that? Oh, and I grew a flower. Said flower has since betrayed me and abandoned our front porch without so much as leaving a note. Good riddance.

August
During the month of August, we celebrated our 1 year anniversary of being married (awww!). I was also the victim of a near hit-and-run (vicious!), and we took care of a SOLID dude named Wallace. Shout out to my peep Wallace!

(Can "peep" be used in singular? Oh yeah, it just was.)

September
Wow, apparently the ONLY thing I did during the entire month of September was fly to and from Poland. I'm freaking awesome.

October
In October, we hung out with good ol' Lyle Lovett. I also wrote a sweet joke, and we got 2 puppies, one of which threw up almost 1/2 her entire body weight last night. Good times.

November
In November, we went to Chi-town for a bit. Chilly, but also cool at the same time if yaknowhatimsayin. I also made a lasting impression on O'Hare.

December
Israel. That's all I can say.



What did you do last year?